From Disappointment to Perception
Most of us have to get advanced degrees in ‘disappointment’ to correctly perceive the Lord. Disappointment empties us of our personal vanities and false expectations.’
Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” Luke 24: 31-32
We can easily identify with the disciples walking with Jesus after the His resurrection on the road to Emmaus. Like them, we have our own ideas and ambitions that keep us from perceiving Jesus or His Kingdom realities, even we He clearly states them. Our default focus is on what is temporary. His focus is on the eternal. When we experience loss, we over value it, remaining oblivious to eternal gains we could have received had we ‘taken up our cross’. All we see are our preconceived dreams evaporating.
Repeatedly, Jesus warned the disciples of the jarring death He was to suffer. Obviously their ‘visions of grandeur’ in His new government were dashed. Jesus saw redemption of the universe within one temporary pain filled event call the cross. They saw nothing but defeat and loss of their ambitions for Him and them. He saw permanent victory and humanity’s redemption.
When we are in a state of ‘disappointment’ over dashed, destroyed and decimated illusionary dreams, we are tempted to reject any voice that fails to justify our pain and suffering. To our chagrin, these voices see everything differently. They even annoy us. The Lord loves to hide in plain sight, explaining what was evident all along. There is often a prolonged delay before we see Jesus or what he meant. Regrettably our false expectations are born out of vain ambition, misguided enthusiasm, youthful foolishness, and simply not knowing the ‘ways’ of God. They leave us feeling betrayed, abandoned and disappointed when they don’t work out. Disappointment then leads to disillusionment. Disillusionment has two pathways from which to choose: either hopeful reality or skeptical unbelief.
I dare not gloss over the depth and pain of disappointment. We do indeed feel real loss. We might even feel it comes from the Lord betraying us, but that too is vanity. The pain actually comes from hanging on to what is false as it decays. The lofty and vain imaginations to which we cling have only one solution: death. So, we have a choice; to die slowly or quickly. One choice is to take up our cross and die quickly and quietly. There other is to make the self-referential choice that leads to a long and painful death, often taking years. Yes, the loss and suffering are real but long painful losses are usually self-inflicted. It’s like the young person who knew they shouldn’t marry that very bad character but did anyway. For any number of reasons, they proceed, despite clear warnings from Jesus not to. After their divorce 15 years later, you will hear them blaming God for all their life’s misfortunes.
Much of our suffering comes from tenaciously holding onto to false narratives, illusionary reality and our rights. Holding on to these idols is ‘death’ itself. When we see Jesus’ kind intentions toward us, we still might experience anxiety. We have anxiety of having to make a choice. Yet when we chose to follow Him, the Lord replaces our illusions, schemes and attitudes with His eternally enduring perspective. A benchmark of spiritual maturity is how quickly we ‘take up our cross’. Most of the time this comes from embracing a new value system, not a piece of wood with splinters. The cross is a new value system. We appraise our life and the circumstances through a new standard. The heart of that standard is that Jesus is first and nothing else comes close. Jesus never disappoints us. But many of us experience disappointment with Jesus because we refuse to believe Jesus’ narrative of what’s He has invited us to take up-which really was a cross that means to kill our value systems.
